TRUE STORY: So…as I began to hand over an insane amount of cash to New York City to get my car back (and experiencing to pure unadulterated condescension of the pencil-pushing asshole who talked shit while being protected by bullet-proof glass), I was immensely tempted to go into the bathroom and wipe each hundred dollar bill on my nuts before going back to the line again…just to feel like I’m stickin-it to “The Man”. But then, when I thought about it, I have a clean bill of health and there was nothing threatening down there to pass on to this bastard. I mean, after he counted the money…I could have said “That’s why I wiped those bills on my nuts Bitch”…just to see the look of horror on his face. But then after thinking about it, he could then call security over and get me arrested for some bullshit charge like “waging biological warfare” or something. As a matter of fact, the only person put at risk here is me…because there is no telling what is on those bills that I would be wiping on to my nuts. Then I thought, maybe I can put on gloves and give it to a bum to do. But then again, if the bum runs off…I would have to flag him down and beat the breaks off him (therefore getting me arrested as well). I simply had to lick my wounds and hand over the cash to his donkey-shit-eating grin who told me to “Have a nice day”. I simply put up my middle finger and said “Fuck your mother” and walked off like Shaft. That’s the best I could come up with. So yeah..that’s how my WHOLE week went. If you made it this far, thanks for tuning in to me venting about the dilemma of not being able to wipe money on my nuts. (Hey, after the week I had, you gotta find a way to grin somewhere lol).
My mother battled/survived Breast Cancer, raised 3 kids, and got her degree in Education ALL AT THE SAME TIME #SuperWoman #BeastMode! #HappyMothersDay to my mom, BarbaraJames!!! (at Pittsburgh, Beltzhoover)
Asked by Anonymous
Hey Look everyone…yet another coward who calls people idiots “Anonymously” b from behind a laptop. No wonder this post rubbed you the wrong way lol.
So…I saw Floyd Mayweather “Do what he had to do to win” last night against Gurrero. I wouldn’t knock that approach if it weren’t for his shit-talking as if he were going to “Kick his ass”. But in order to do that, you must actually fight someone rather than punch and dodge. Once again, we’ve seen Floyd dominate someone we don’t care about…as he continues to dodge Pacquiao and Alvarez. What makes people think Floyd can beat Manny just because he lost to Marquez (who Floyd beat). People act like Marquez beat the hell out of Manny or something. Manny was winning the fight, he just got hit with a really good punch (which can happen to ANYONE on any given day). I really don’t get the concept of not needing to fight someone just because they lost to someone you beat. I’m glad other boxers of our past never thought that way. What if George Foreman felt like he didn’t need to fight Ali because he knocked out Joe Frazier (who beat Ali). We would have never had “The Rumble in the Jungle” (where Ali beat Foreman, who knocked out Frazier, who beat Ali beforehand). You cannot call yourself the best pound-for-pound fighter alive, and possibly in history, if you don’t fight the other best fighter out there. I think this truly speak to the SERIOUS epidemic of Bitch-Ass-ness that is plaguing the men in our generation. Punch and LITERALLY run from “Old once-great” boxers and young guys we’ve never heard of. And at the same time come up with soooooo many reasons why not to fight men you could lose to. Where are the warriors who will fight anyone you put in front of them? If Floyd was retired and he felt there was no reason to come out of retirement to fight Pac, that would be one thing. But to say you have nothing to prove by fighting the other great fighter of our generation, and then to take a fight against someone we never even heard of is cowardly. I think Floyd is a great fighter. I even think he will end up winning against Pac. But real fighters avoid being hit as much as possible, but they don’t fear it to the point where they spend 75% of the round running. And real fighters don’t protect their undefeated record by dodging, they train extra hard to just make sure they don’t lose. Floyd Mayweather will make history by being one of the best, but he will be the first “One of the best” in history that avoided fighting the other best to “Prove” he was #1. Call him a good businessman, call him a strategic puncher, but don’t call him the best fighter. This “Money Team” outlook just proves how cowardly our generation is.
Buy yourself time for #Finals w/ this method if u don’t have time to finish ur paper. Your prof will never know lol #YourWelcome
#Pittsburgh!!! My one man show #GrowingPains will be coming to the August Wilson Center on Sat. 5/25 at 8pm $10 #SaveTheDate
Traveling out of #Philly and headed to #NY. Picked a WONDERFUL day for it (at Pennsylvania Turnpike - I-276 - Newportville)
#32LyricsThatReferToRape The things you don’t realize your condoning while you’re bobbing your head.
Me and the iconic-historic playwright August Wilson after my performance as “Sylvester” in “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom” at Pittsburgh Playwrights Theater. It’s not everyday you can say that you can say that you met one of your literary heroes and performed their work for them. And the fact that he told me that my portrayal of his character (without me even asking) is what he was going for when he wrote it, is an honor that will last a lifetime. I’ve waited searched hell and high water for this picture for the last few years, and I’ve finally found it! Shout outs to Garby Dukes for coming through for me.
Well..I watched THE GAME…and it wasn’t a COMPLETE waste of my time like last season which sucked major DONKEY ASS! I give it a C +. It could be a “B” if the acting wasn’t terrible. It’s one thing to hire horrible-acting celebrities to bring in their fan base…but non-acting No-Names like that hotel worker at the end…WHAT IN FRESH HELL?!?! I MUST get to LA lol. The acting on LET’S STAY TOGETHER is actually waaaaaay better than THE GAME…but unfortunately this Tyler Perry-Soap-opera-era we are currently living in requires ratchet drama to keep our rapidly-decreasing attention spans engaged. Until we demand more intellectual writing (Like Boss, House of Cards, and Newsroom), they will keep shoveling us the same shit covered in syrup…and we will eat it like pancakes as it destroys us from the inside. Oh well….that’s Hollywood for ya.
Recently added to an International Erotic Poetry Anthology
Last night I had my second ménage a trios
with Life and Death
They both wanted me to cum in them
Stroking my manhood
As they seductively stroked my chest
I hit the blunt
While Death did a few lines
And Life did some X
They stripped for me as
I played with myself while
Deciding who was gonna ride me the best
A tug of war with morality
One wants me to go in protected
One wants me to do what feels best
One wants to have my kid
One just wants me to release on her breast
They both kissed me as I fingered Life with my right hand
And smacked the ass of Death with my left
They hand cuffed me to my bed
And put my soul under arrest
Blindfolded I had to use my brain
To see who’s head superseded all the rest
Life lifted my restraints
As Death got aggressive and slid me into her nest
She screamed she was the best
As she moved from right to left and front to back
Until Life kissed her on her lips
And pinned her on her back
I got underneath as I ate from the tree of Life
As she squeezed and licked until Death’s composure began to crack
She licked lower and lowered Death’s defenses
As she sucked the energy out of her lap
I got up, looked Death in the eyes
And called Life a bitch while I fucked her from the back
She screamed “Fuck me”, gripping the sheets as
Her thighs started to collapse
Death got cocky and started talkin shit
So I put my hands around her neck
pressed her into the book rack as I
spread her at the knees
The harder I entered the more she smiled
She whispered “I know how daddy likes it…
And I know what he needs”
You see
Life gives me the thrill of a challenge
But Death cums for me with so much ease
Death wrapped her legs tighter and
tried to keep me inside her when
She noticed me getting weak in the knees
Life pulled me out as she saw that
I was about to climax
They both got in front and dropped to their knees
They put their head together
And took turns giving me knowledge
In order to make me orally deep
They took turns receiving the substance of survival
They were originally trying to get out of me
I know I have to choose
But I can’t see clearly in this agony of defeat
Death is so sexxy
But Life is such a beauty to keep
Life is so graceful with it
But Death is such a freak
I was about to decide but then Death OD’d
Life pulled a hidden camcorder off the shelf
As she stepped over Deaths body
She said “This happened last time
And this time I recorded it for your memory
Replay this in your head
For the next time you decided to doubt me”
Until Death sprung up foaming at the mouth
Looked us in our eyes and said
“Fuck that…round three”
Life threw up her hands,
put the camera back on the shelf
And began to re-record our destiny
By
Nathan James
***News and Announcements***
Things have been moving so fast that I hardly have time to keep up with what’s going on (but who’s complaining…I could be bored). I have a few things coming up I wanted to let folks know about, and I figured I’d get it done in one big swoop:
1. My show “Easter” previews this Friday March 8th and opens this Saturday March 9th at the legendary Gene Frankel Theater here in New York at 29 Bond Street (SoHo)…for ticket information:http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?EID&showCode=EAS15&BundleCode&PackageCode&GUID=9b9cf30c-2e9e-48ca-ad70-6f27c7949d96) The show runs Thursdays through Sundays until March 31st.
2. I am officially announcing that I am a recipient of the August Wilson Play-writing Fellowship, given by the August Wilson Cultural Center in Pittsburgh, and my play “Winter in America” will be workshopped and produced at the “First Voice Festival” this summer. I will also be giving affordable Acting/writing classes at the AWC this spring/summer in Pittsburgh. More information on that coming soon
3. My one man show, Growing Pains, has been invited back for an encore run at the United Solo Festival in Times Square this coming October. For those who don’t know, the USF is the largest solo performer festival in the world and last years recipient of the USF award for his one man show was John Leguizamo. So if you missed it last time due to it being sold out, don’t miss it this time. More info on that as time progresses (www.unitedsolo.com). In the meantime, please check out a scene from it right here on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqEu1jR5pm4
5. My poem “The Threesome of Destiny” has just been picked up for an International Poetry Anthology (and it’s now pushing me to FINALLY put my book out). If you haven’t read it, you may do so on my blog ( http://nathanjamespoet.blogspot.com/ ) or here on facebook ( http://www.facebook.com/notes/nathan-james/the-threesome-of-destiny-for-mature-audiences/10150700828578432)
4. I’ve just been invited to be a company member of the “Spiral Studio Theater” here in New York, and I have a photo shoot for their brochure today.
Welp…that’s all folks lol! To keep track of where I will be appearing in the next couple of months…please email your email address to learning2unlearn@gmail.com for the mailing list. You may also visit my website at www.officialnathanjames.com
Twitter:@ImNateJames
Instagram: @nathanjamespoet
Valentine’s Day is the holiday that I grab my popcorn and laugh louder than any other day of the year. It is SERIOUSLY my reality show. I find it amazing that HALLOWEEN (A day set aside to celebrate demons/monsters or a day where it’s acceptable to look Hoe-ish [not that I want that to change lol]) is not HALF OF HALF as scrutinized as Valentine’s Day. *Cue: The people who claim to have a problem with Halloween as well…but don’t go half as hard on it when it’s here*. Perhaps we should stop celebrating Christmas and Easter because we should show Jesus we love him everyday. Perhaps we should stop celebrating birthdays because we should be thankful for life everyday. Perhaps we should stop taking a day in November to celebrate the things we should be thankful for, because we should be thankful everyday. The “If he can’t show you he loves you year round…” bitter statuses are pathetic and self-loathing “ego massages”, disguising themselves as wisdom and strength. I actually have a hell of a lot of respect for people who just ADMIT that they are mad because they don’t have a Valentine, instead of the people who want to create “Logic” against it. Then there are those people who truly don’t care (but if you didn’t…you wouldn’t have to create posts to “SHOW” everyone you don’t care…which means…you CARE lol). The funniest part is, I remember EVERYTHING that EVERYONE says to try and challenge the things I say, so that I can show people how stupid they are when they contra-dick themselves. There are some people who were going HARD on Valentine’s Day last year, who all of a sudden changed their tune now that they are in relationships. And there are people who are currently going HARD, who were in relationships last year but are lonely this year. There’s no way you can do this without looking stupid (cue: the people who will find a way to make themselves the exception…the people who claim Jesus as their Valentine…or claim “I’ve never agreed with V Day”, which is something anyone can say [most times this person isn’t attractive…check the profile pic lol]). At the end of the day, you cannot assassinate this holiday without looking either bitter and lonely (and this horrible attitude you are displaying makes you look even more un-date-able than you fear you are) or in a relationship with someone you are no longer are in love with and don’t know how to get out of it. If you hate it so much, why don’t you just get off the internet and read a book. Or, celebrate Black History Month. Oh…and ladies…please stop telling guys not to expect anything special tonight because their holiday is on March 14th, especially if you don’t acknowledge and celebrate the day when it arrives lol (Don’t know the holiday…google it lol). Alright love birds…and you lonely miserable fuckers who want to destroy everyone today…Nathan James out. *Drops Mic..Grabs popcorn…exists stage right* lmao.
Twitter: ImNateJames
Instagram: nathanjamespoet
